Planning for Safety
While you cannot control your partner’s violence, you can plan ahead to best protect yourself and your children. Even if you are still living with your abusive partner, you can make a plan for your safety. Safety planning is also very important when you are leaving the relationship, and even after the relationship has ended.
What is a safety plan?
Whether or not you live with your abusive partner, there are some key questions to consider as you plan for your safety. Developing a safety plan means thinking about these important questions:
- How can others (friends, family, domestic violence hotline) help you?
- What do you need to be safe?
- What particular worries do you have about your children's safety?
- What have you done in the past to protect yourself and your children? Did any of these things help? Will any of them help you now?
Safety Plan: Step 1 – Figure out when violence happens.
- How do you know when your partner is about to get violent? (clenched fists, "the look in his eye", yelling, etc.)
- What typically starts fights? (conflict over money, work, family, friends, children, etc.)
- When are my children most unsafe? (time of day, day of the week, holidays, pay day, when dinner is late, etc.)
- How do I know when things are getting really dangerous (he/she uses weapons, threatens to kill me, etc.)? What can I do when this starts to happen?
- Sometimes there are no clues. Violence happens when I don't expect it. What can I do in this case?
Safety Plan: Step 2 – Have a plan for when there is violence.
- If there is going to be a fight, move to the space that is safest (for example, try to avoid the bathroom, kitchen, rooms without an outside door, rooms with a weapon or objects that can be used as weapons).
- You might need to call for help or escape your house. To prepare for this, you need to think about: having a cell phone, knowing where the nearest pay phone is and how long it takes to get there, programming 911 into speed dial, having emergency numbers ready, etc.
- If you can, tell your neighbors/family of the violence in your home and ask them to get help, call you, work out a signal, etc. for when you are in danger.
- Teach your children how to call for help. Make sure they know not to get involved in the fight and will go to a safe place in the house when violence starts. Be sure your children know your address and how to call 911.
- Tell your children that the violence is not their fault, or yours, even if your abusive partner says so.
- Know where you can go if you have to leave your home (a neighbor or friend’s house, a 24-hour restaurant or store, etc.).
- If you don't have anyplace safe to go to, call the 24-hour toll free Philadelphia Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-866-SAFE-014, and they can help you find safe emergency shelter.
- Use your judgment and instinct. If the situation is very serious, you can give your partner what he/she needs or wants to calm them down. You have to protect yourself until you and/or your children are out of danger.
Hotline Numbers
Philadelphia Domestic Violence Hotline: 866.SAFE.014 (Toll free)
Women Organized Against Rape: 215.985.3333
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1.800.799.7233; 1.800.787.3224 (TTY)